The Wii Virtual Console- Okay, so you didn’t pay $ 250 (plus sales tax, plus accessories) for the world’s sleekest loooking emulator. Nor are you interested in putting down $ 5 for a copy of “Super Mario Bros.” when you can find it at the local flea market for 85 cents. But Nintendo’s Virtual Console is a revolution in backwards compatibility, and as the library grows ever larger, 2007’s forecast is nothing short of phenomenal. Alongside obvious titles like Excite Bike and Dr. Mario, you’ll be seeing the likes of Super Metroid, Ocarina of Time, and Super Mario RPG… games that more than a few people regard as the greatest ever made.
Captain N: The Game Master on DVD- Try to solve this riddle. What do: A). A guy with an NES control pad attached to his belt, B). a homoerotic narcissist, C). a walking, talking dot-matrix supercomputer, D). two midgets with annoying speech impediments, E). a brain in a tank that sounds like Audrey II, F). a dog, and G). shameless marketing… all have in common? Well for one thing, they all make for one hell of a freakshow. But they’re also in the cast of the timeless “Captain N: The Game Master”, slated for release on DVD in February 2007. It’s a vital addition to your collection of crappy early 90s video game shows, and it will go great alongside those ancient Virtual Console titles. Generation Y, Nintendo has you covered.
The Sims 2: Seasons Expansion Pack- Yeah, yeah. Feel free to call me a girl all you want. I don’t care. I have no qualms about sacrificing the remainder of my youth for the sake of these little guys. The ‘Seasons’ expansion pack will add some much needed new features to the core game, including new careers, gameplay features (your active Sim can visit other houses!), and, oh yes, the four seasons. I might as well go ahead and forward EA Games my bank account information.
Spore- It would be impossible to mention anything related to “The Sims 2″ without saying a few words about “Spore”, Will Wright’s greatly anticipated ‘massively single-player’ project. Sometime in 2007, the game (now five years in the making) will allegedly be released to the public, and history will change forever. Get ready for a revolution that should have everyone– from gamers to anti-evolutionists– going absolutely nuts.
Final Fantasy XIII- Wait, didn’t installment number twelve just come out? Yes, it did. But as Square Enix has proven, you can never add enough letters to the end of your titles, and nerds have infinite amounts of money they’re willing to spend. What evil empire and confusing progression system awaits us this time? And what manner of hentai artwork and erotic fanfiction will inevitably pollute the internet?
Duke Nukem Forever- Just kidding.
Grand Theft Auto IV- Remember that old man who spent the last several years trying to get all your naughty games banned? Yeah, too bad for him. Once again, Rockstar Games is hard at work developing the next “Grand Theft Auto” title, which will most certainly (once again) piss off a multitude of religious leaders, politicans, and ambulance stalking attorneys. And to make matters worse, it’s going to debut on the Playstation 3, which pushes the technology (and realism of violence) far beyond the other two contenders in this generation’s console war. How many cries of “the children are going to murder each other!!!” can a Blu-Ray disc hold?
Resident Evil 5- With all the incidents of flesh-eating monsters occuring over the last ten years, you’d think Umbrella would’ve learned its lesson. Well, Umbrella is long gone. But thanks to the involvement of several people from a variety of unknown fronts (Part four didn’t give us too many story details to work with) the zombies, hideous biological creations, and angry farmers continue making trouble for our (fortunately heavily-armed) heroes. “Resident Evil 5″ supposedly picks up right where the previous installment left off, which works for me, because I’d like to know what exactly the hell was going on. As far as the lead character and his/her plight are concerned, details remain sketchy, and an actual release date is up for debate as well.
Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass- I mentioned previously that the Nintendo DS Lite was the greatest gaming device I’ve yet to get my hands on, and I continue to stand by that statement. The addition of a new “Zelda” may in fact turn my love for the soystem into something creepy and obnoxious. But what else can you expect from Nintendo, the company that continues piling on quality until every last penny in your ailing wallet belongs to them? Reportedly, “Phantom Hourglass” will put the technology of the DS to full use, requiring you to have the stylus in hand at all times. Not that I’m complaining at all.
